I feel like I’m meeting myself all over again, or maybe even for the first time. So I‘m standing here slapped with a sticker, which clings to my shirt dangling over the left boob, and reads: Hi my name is Vanessa.

In general or at least for the most part, I am the happiest I have been in a long time. However I’m the most tangled I’ve been when it comes to me. It’s like I’m hanging on the edge of a cliff, then a moment later I’ll wake up and be fine. Then just like that I’m hanging and struggling for my life again. I built a city without street signs, my mind is a maze. Everything, even my own body seems so unfamiliar. I’m so out of my comfort zone, which I know play’s a big part, so am I just being stressed to the point I’m obsessed or am I in reason?

I’ve been an emotional roller-coaster I can feel it, but nothing I can pin point. Then like usual I’m analyzing how I feel with the logical side of myself, but I’m at a loss of what to do. I’m adjusting to everything at once. I’m spinning in circles, and I can feel myself getting dizzy to the point where everything slips out of my fingers. I need to sit down, but it becomes an unknown command, like a puppy I tilt my head to the right all confused. I know I want to ask for help, but with what, I wouldn’t even know or where to start.

I walked into a book, of which I already knew the ending. I told myself I wouldn’t get wrapped up, but yet I failed. I keep trying to keep up the good attitude about everything, but I guess I never really recognized how much I was crossing my fingers. Then when turning over the last page I was lost in what I felt, but now everything seems to be but a dream. Just waking up I can’t convince myself anything was real. Maybe I was gum... and yeah at first maybe that hurt... maybe more than just a little, but I finally came to realize it was stupid to even care. I might be tangled in who I am at times, but I don’t need to know myself all that well, to know that I’m better than that. I mean hell, sometimes I can even pull off being bloody amazing... but what do you know, you never made the effort to dig deeper.

When the leaves dance across the pavement, resulting in the slightest of sound; there you are walking in the music of autumn. Like an introduction, it was calling forth Lady Winter and her blanket of snow. Now here we are deep within November, she still has yet to show, and I can’t help but to be happy about it. I hate being cold, no matter how beautiful she makes our world. Without her presence, she’s made my feelings of unfamiliarity even more noticeable however. I can barely recognize anything. Everything seems so new to me, it’s like I threw myself out to the wolves. Learning how to be and survive all at once and I only get one try. Starring straight at myself, I get scared... that in the smog of my own confusion, like a tornado I’ll drag you with me; anyone and everyone. I feel like I can’t tell what is in my head and what is real.